Shut up and listen.

Everyday something happens. It may not seem like it, but trust me, everyday there are events that change and shape our lives.

When I look back over the past few years I realize that there are events both good and bad that have altered the course of my life, at the time that they happened, most of them went unnoticed. When you have the luxury of looking back and analyzing life, it is easier to spot these changes, but it is too late to go back and alter them.

Over the past few years I think that I have come to the realize that one of the most important qualities that a person can develop is the ability to listen. As I reflect on some of the people that have influenced my life most, I have recognized that besides being really great people they were also really good listeners. Pete Horlacher was one of my bishops. He was not one to talk a lot, but when you would speak to him he would look directly at you and you knew that you had his full attention. The image that I have of Bishop Horlacher of Scout camp. He would sit around the camp in his Scout uniform (sleeves rolled up), leaning slightly forward in his chair, whittling away and just watch the activities of the camp. Later in the evening when we would sit around the campfire and Pete would talk to us, he always had our attention, and somehow knew exactly what to say. I don't know of a single time that he had to tell us to quiet down, I can't even remember a time that he raised his voice, but when he spoke, we were always eager to hear what he had to say. Many years later I have come to the understanding that the reason that Bishop H always had our attention was most likely because we knew that since he spoke so little that when he did speak, what he had to say was important.

Earlier this week I had an experience that reminded me of how important it is to sometimes just listen. I was at a parts store and ran into an old business acquaintance. I noticed him when he walked in, but he didn't acknowledge me. At first I didn't think anything of it, but after several minutes it seemed kind of weird, I knew that he had seen me, I had looked right at him when he came in. I assumed that he didn't want to talk and figured that if I avoided making any further eye contact then I had no obligation to speak with him. When he finally stepped up to the counter I felt obligated to initiate at least a hello. I said "Hi". He looked forward, nodded his head once and grunted a "hi" without even looking at me. "There" I thought, "I tried to be friendly, I made the effort, he is being a jerk so I have no further obligation to make small talk". After another few moments I had the prompting that for whatever reason I should not ignore him, I asked him how things were going. He kept looking forward and said "not good." My parts were there, I was done at the counter, and I was ready to head out the door, I weighed my options to continue the conversation or leave. I heard myself ask "What do you mean". At this point he looked over at me and I could see the sadness in his eyes. "My wife has been sick for the past several years, she has been in the hospital for the last 150 days, earlier this week they put her in a medically induced coma." I didn't say anything, I felt prompted to not. When he didn't get a response from me but saw that I was listening he continued. "I haven't worked in over the past two years, the house, the car....yea, it's not been good." I didn't say much, just "I'm sorry to hear". I think what happened next caught him off guard. I wrote down my number, and asked for his. I said, if you need someone to talk to here is my number. He looked directly at me and said thanks, I really need to talk to someone.

I heard from him today, he called to tell me that they are taking his wife off of life support early next week, he told me about his last conversation with her and how much he will miss her, but knows that she will be in a better place. Before he hung up he thanked me for taking the time to ask, and appreciated my concern.

Now the reason for this story. I have written it a couple of times today, but erased it. I was afraid that my reason for writing it might be misunderstood, however, I feel the need to share. Sometimes we are so focused on explaining things or trying to teach, that we might overlook the most important part of serving others, listening. I remember a teacher once telling me "God gave us two ears and one tongue, this should be a gentle reminder that we should listen more than we talk". In the current economic conditions there are so many people that are going through struggles in their lives. Since we all have a limited amount of money, there is only so much that we can do to solve their economic situation, but we have an unlimited amount of ability to listen, to show that they are important enough to hear them vocalize whatever it is that is important for them to say. I want to challenge anyone reading this blog to take the time to spend a little less time talking this week, and take more time to listen. There is no need to agree, or disagree. Take the opportunity to not debate, or judge. At the end of the week reflect on what type of difference you may have made, but also think about what a difference the person talking has made on you and what you were able to learn. Most people are smart enough to figure out their own problems or needs, but just want to vocalize their thoughts so that they can validate their own decision. Good luck.